I love porn. However, before you go pointing those accusing fingers at me, remember that statics and studies show that everyone, including you, has at least once been fascinated by pornography, and particularly the elaborate sex positions the actors can pull off. Suffice to say, if you call me a pervert, you too have been a perv at one point or another. But we’re not alone in this. It has been revealed that, at any given time, at least 12% of all the internet traffic is comprised of users seeking out porn. Fascinating isn’t it?
1. Kick the missionary out completely and bring in the whips and chains
Sure, experimenting is fine and often fun at times. However, in a relationship, it is almost impossible for a couple to try out new sex positions each night. According to most porn clips, sex ought to be wild and crazy. Nevertheless, a normal human being has limits. Sometimes the good old missionary is the most passionate style that will give both you and your partner the intimacy and romance you need to spark your relationship.
2. Condoms are for losers
In porn, one gets the notion that as long as she looks like Angelina Jolie, or he looks like Ryan Gosling, if there are a million different sex positions involved, there is no need to play it safe. The truth, however, is that in real life, condoms are a very good idea—you can never quite tell what you might pick up when humping away like a porn star. Condoms are, in addition, an excellent contraception method.
3. The cream pie is a turn on
Unless a lady is looking for a natural face moisturizer, it is highly unlikely that an ordinary woman in real life will smile when her partner hoses a load of semen on her face. In theory, having semen on your face has entirely nothing to do with pleasure, and also, getting semen out of her hair is quite a daunting task.
4. Stand, and carry sex is super orgasmic
If you believe you can pull this one off, you go straight ahead. I can almost assure you that if you are the guy, your arms will end up feeling as if they have been lifting tons; that is if you do not break your back or spine in the process. The stand and carry can be improvised into a standing 69, which will effectively make it even more complicated.
5. Double stuffing: myth, fiction or reality
This is where two penises are simultaneously shoved into the same vagina. I have seen it in porn, but how this functions in real life is still something am yet to see. The physical and emotional capabilities of a woman to withstand such a sex maneuver seem almost unimaginable to me.
6. The pile driver is awesome
This is where the lady rests on her neck and shoulders, and with her trunk in the air, as the guy rides or rather grinds away. Surely, how does one even enjoy being in this position, leave alone being humped? It must be so uncomfortable; there you are, feeling like you have been hit by acute scoliosis, and there is a guy railing you from above like a drill. Well, if you try this one out, you better have good insurance to cater for serious back problems that will develop later in life.
7. Balls in the hole
Cramming one's balls to a vagina or butt is not something any guy would be comfortable doing. The balls are sensitive; cramming them into, well, anywhere, whether lubricated or not, does not sound like a good idea.
8. Reverse cowgirl legs wide apart
This is a common move in porn clips. This is perhaps for the ease of filming that it offers the directors. However, in real life, this is not something that is easy to pull off.
9. Excessive aggressive fingering
Finger-blasting a vagina is not only uncomfortable for the woman but if a lot of pressure is applied injury such as blisters can ensure. Therefore, word of advice; please leave this to the porn stars.
10. The tit-fuck
Why, people?! It is extremely improbable that a woman will be pleasured by having a dick between her boobs. I also doubt that most guys would feel intensely pleasured too. It may seem like a cool move at first, but give it five minutes and one or both of you will want out.
Therefore, dear porn lovers, do not let that harmless entertainment turn into a beast that devours your sex life by filling your brain with impractical and unrealistic sexual expectations about sex and sex positions.
And dear porn makers, perhaps consider making porn that actually looks like, well, sex that real people have.
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