A Healing Memoir: The Aftermath of Sex Trafficking

November is also the month to raise awareness to violence against women. This personal story about being a victim of sex trafficking and overcoming it. This can be a triggering topic for some of our readers, please use your own discretion when reading. The story does not go into details about the actual incidences; instead it focuses more on the positives of how the author found ways to became a strong and healthy person despite what happened to her.
 

***At the bottom of the article there are  links for anyone who may need assistance.***
Always remember: you are not alone, there is help.

 Healing Story: The Aftermath of Sex Trafficking

A Memoir of Recovery, Growth and Orgasms

Sex trafficking is a worldwide problem and a difficult topic to discuss. It’s also not the same as human trafficking, though the two often overlap. I know, because I was sex trafficked. I’m going to share a bit about my journey, both my abuse and healing, but let me say now… no matter how dark this subject is, I’m healing up nicely with lots of orgasms in the process.
 
Child prostitution and sex trafficking are similar, and I was subjected to both. It’s sex trafficking because I was taken without permission, moved locations, sold for sexual favors, then returned afterward - changing locations is key. It was also child prostitution because I was sold as chattel.

I was 6 years old, and no one (aside from the abusers) knew what was happening to me. Sometimes I was picked up from school by a person on my emergency contact list, victimized for hours, then returned before the end (sometimes right at the end) of the school day. My parents never knew I was gone. Because the trafficker claimed the legal right to remove me from school, the school never notified my parents of my absence. I was terrified and, believing that it was my fault, I never told.

At the time, there were no computers. Even if there had been, I was too young to know how to Google the number for help. I knew how to call the police, but I remember uniformed officers there. Whether they were real cops or not, I don’t know. They could have been dressed up for intimidation purposes. But as a child, all I knew was that officers were part of the problem. I didn’t know where to go for help and my parents surely weren’t an option. If I told on my abusers, I was told something awful would happen to my family.

 
Why do I share?
 
Education and knowing what to watch for make a difference. Not only could people have helped me back then, but even in the present people can help me heal from this. But not without education. A few years back, an editor told me that people aren’t sold for sex in suburban areas. She fully believed this and she couldn’t have been more wrong. As a society, we can’t afford to be ignorant on these topics. Knowledge and action will save innocent people.

For instance, it would have been helpful for my parents to monitor my absences. Making sure that what they thought I’d missed aligned with what the school claimed. When it didn’t, they could have found out who’d checked me out for the day and why. Paying attention matters. I’d spoken about the naked little girls in the attic, but since we didn’t have an attic, my parents wrote it off. I was truly confused at the time and thought they were in our attic, which didn’t exist. If a child is making a bizarre claim, don’t dismiss it. Had they asked me more about it or paid closer attention, they may have gotten more out of me.

Teaching your kids that trafficking can happen to anyone, no matter how much money you make or where you live is vital. This is not just tied to third world countries. Simply explaining bad touch isn’t enough. I’d heard all of that too, but to no avail.

Healing through unexpected ways

I found healing in therapy first, but while that got me far, that wasn’t where I’ve experienced the most healing. My therapist is amazing and when it comes to talking me through my PTSD and helping create new neural pathways, she’s fantastic. But my biggest healing came from my D/s relationship. The one where I’m not in control.

Because we’d already established a great deal of trust, when I began my healing with a Dom, it was incredible. I don’t suggest this unless you’ve spoken with your therapist about it and everyone is on the same page, but it can be amazing when you have the right scenario.

Not only did my Dom and I meet with my therapist, but we created fear ladders to help me. Exposure therapy has always worked best for me, but my therapist can’t legally do what my Dom does. So my therapist and I would set up a fear ladder of something triggering, like an action or memory, then I’d supply it to my Dom and we’d work our way up it. Sometimes in one night, sometimes it took months to reach the top. I don’t relive the trauma, but my Dom does help me re-contextualize what I’m feeling. I faced the terrible memory of being locked in a cage by being tightly bound and, once immobilized, I was rewarded with powerful orgasms for bravely facing that fear. I wasn’t confined in the same manner of course, but I got to experience being confined in a safe environment in a scenario where I consented, and then I got to enjoy myself physically. It was a very powerful and beautiful catharsis.

Not only have I had a supportive therapist and Dom, but I have an amazing husband too. He’s in full support of the work I do with my Dom as well and will be the first to call him if I get triggered and can’t pull out of it. I have a team. Without them, I’d not have come so far in my healing.

Two years ago I could hardly say, “trafficked”. I’d shake. I hated being in front of crowds. I hated being touched. I even hated telling people about it. But these things don’t bother me anymore. Now, I write, speak, and I’m even going on stage soon to share my story.

No matter what your situation is, healing is possible. It may not be healing with a Dom. It might not include sex at all. Maybe exposure therapy would be terrible for you. But there is hope. We all find our own path, but we do it best when we have proper support.

If you are a victim of trafficking or suspect someone is being trafficked, please, report it. Know that you are not alone. There is hope and you can come back from this. Below is a list of great resources if you or someone you know is in trouble with trafficking, domestic abuse, and/or child pornography/prostitution.

National Human Trafficking Resource Center
www.traffickingresourcecenter.org
1-888-373-7888

National Domestic Violence Hotline
www.thehotline.org
1-800-799-7233

In cases of needing international information, Andrew Vachss is an attorney that specializes in protecting children. He’s an author and runs the website The Zero, where he supplies a great deal of information on abuse and how to get help internationally.

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.