Have you ever thought about trying out your kinky side in the bedroom, but then stopped yourself because it seemed like there were a lot of rules and the whole idea of a lifestyle was a little overwhelming? Well, good news! No one ever said you had to join the BDSM world in order to have kinky sex.
For the record, the only two rules of BDSM are the same two rules you should, follow no matter what kind of sex you want to have: Get the consent of everyone involved, and play safe.
If the idea of going to a sex club, being tied up, and flogged until you scream is a bit much, calm down. There are plenty of ways to get kinky without all of that:
Smack that ass
I don’t care if you both identify as female, male, you’re the opposite gender, or you’re genderfluid, either of you can try out spanking on the other. I’ll always advocate for having a conversation about spanking before you try it out in the middle of a sexy moment, but if you both trust one another, and you think it might be something you’ll both like, go for a light smack on the ass while you’re fucking.
You’ll know in about two seconds if that was okay or not. Someone who doesn’t enjoy it will usually send off very clear signals. A loud “No” or “stop” maybe. They may go very still as if they can’t believe it happened. Of course, if they really liked it, you’ll know that too. Moans get louder. They may even ask you to do it again or to do it harder. Check in real quick and ask, “Was that cool?” If you don’t get a clear yes, don’t do it again.
“Come for me!”
Controlling your partner’s orgasms is another way to test out your kinky side with a little power play in the bedroom. If you’re not ready to tell you partner, “I want you to control my orgasms” or “I don’t want you to come without my permission,” start small. When you’re working your partner to the brink, tell them not to come yet. Then, when they’re ready, say something like, “Come for me!”
If their orgasm is bigger and more explosive than usual, it’s a good bet that prolonging their orgasm was a good idea. Later, when you’ve both started breathing again, you can ask if they enjoyed that or if you can be the one to tell them when to come while you’re fucking.
Light bondage
Most people don’t think of handcuffs or silk ties as a form of bondage, certainly not in the way that BDSM is often portrayed. You may never get beyond a set of cuffs or a tie or scarf in the bedroom, and that’s okay. It’s a little bit of control taken (or given) during sex that can make everything hotter.
Having your partner at your mercy may only be something you do every so often, and that’s okay. The idea is to tease your partner with your tongue, hands, and whatever else you can think of until you’re both a sweaty, shaky mess and can’t wait to fuck each other’s brains out. You may even take turns with who’s tied down and who’s not.
Dirty talk
Most people don’t consider dirty talk very kinky, but in the BDSM world, there are certain phrases that seem to be more common.
“My little slut.”
“My dirty whore.”
“Fuckboy.”
This kind of language isn’t for everyone, and you should probably know each other fairly well before you call your partner dirty names during sex. But a nicely timed, “You’re my little slut, aren’t you?” can really get juices flowing and make your fucking more intense. Combine the dirty sweet nothings with a spanking or being tied up, and you’ve taken your kinky game to a new level.
Exploring your kinky side
Yes, I’m a kinky girl living and loving the BDSM lifestyle, but I know it’s not for everyone. Some of us are very serious about our kink and fetish. While there’s nothing wrong with that, there’s also nothing wrong with playing around with lighter versions of kink to see how it feels. You may decide you don’t need much more, or you may want to see how far you can go with it. The choice is yours. But don’t think you have to be fully into BDSM in order to enjoy spankings, light bondage, or any other type of kinky fun.
All you have to remember is to have consent and play safe.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.