Ladies (and also gentlemen), I am sure you have all been there at some point: You're getting it on with somebody, and while everything is pretty much as it should be, you can’t quite get there. Your partner is doing their best, you might be instructing them to do it better, you are doing all you can, maybe enhancing things with a bit of fantasizing in your head… and yet, at some point you have to face it. You are just not going to come this time and that’s it. Not the end of the world. The sex is still super-hot, and surely having an orgasm is not the be-all-and-end-all of fucking. You might be able to deal with it but how is your partner going to take it?
You might feel awkward having to come out and say “it’s just not happening this time”. Maybe you worry about your partner being disappointed, feeling like they are not good enough. Or it might all be just so very hopeless that it doesn't feel worth getting into all that.
So in order to get out of that, you might decide to exaggerate just a little bit and give your partner a bit more encouragement. Or, let's just come out and say it, you might decide to fake an orgasm.
We're not necessarily talking about Earth-shattering theatrics. You make a few extra noises of encouragement for your partner to help them get there, and all is well.
Some sexologists might tell you not to do this, though. It will rob you of the chance of actually having an orgasm, and it is basically lying to your partner. True, it might be a little dishonest, but it’s the kind of dishonesty that is sometimes necessary when dealing with other people in our lives. It’s like when someone asks you how a terrible-looking dress looks on them. Even if it looks awful, you're not necessarily going to say it. And more importantly, being able to get off has as much to do with your ability to relax as anything else.
However it all depends on the situation. Instead of robbing yourself of a chance to come, faking it might actually help. A lot of what goes on while having sex happens in your head as opposed to between your legs. Sometimes the problem might be the pressure we put on ourselves or on our partners, the idea that an orgasm must be achieved and if it doesn't happen, there is something wrong. If you feel pressured to come, faking it once might just do the trick of relieving that pressure for both of you and make it easier for you to actually come next time. Just make sure to also be vocal with your partner about what you do and don't like. Otherwise you'll just be giving false encouragement.
In the case with a one-night stand for instance, it’s probably just not worth it - if it isn't going well, you are already wondering what the hell possessed you to go for it in the first place and you just want to get it over with. When talking about a relationship or a more frequent fuck-buddy situation, if you can normally get there and occasionally feel the need to fake it then it’s just a little white lie to keep things on an even keel. It would become a problem if it was necessary every time you have sex with your partner as let’s face it, surely we all like getting off better than faking it. In this case faking it is not a solution but something else needs to be done to make sure you are both enjoying what you are doing.
However, there is a lot more to sex than orgasms. After all, we are not machines where pushing a certain button results in a certain action – at least not every single time. Even if you don’t quite reach the destination, you can still greatly enjoy the journey.
photo by WillVision via Flickr under a CC BY 2.0 license.
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.