Embrace your slutty ways

The word “slut” makes you think of something.

Maybe you think “call for a good time.”

Or “easy” and “sexually available” or worse, “dirty” and “no self esteem.”

But maybe you think “sexually liberated.”

For anyone into a little bit of kink or dirty talk, maybe it’s “that thing I say when we’re fucking.”

I like the last two best, and they are the ways I choose to use the term. It would be naive to think the rest of the world views the word “slut” as synonymous with “liberated” but what the world thinks and what you think as an individual can (and should) be two separate things.

Why should you embrace your inner slut?

Using my preferred definition, I say embrace your inner slut.

What does that mean?

As long as you’re safe (condoms, blood tests, birth control, oh my!) and you have the consent of your partners, have All The Sex. Here’s the deal, that comes with some “ifs”:

• If you consider sex fun


• If you enjoy yourself when you have sex


• If you find pleasure in the act and your partner


• If you’re not trying to hurt people (emotionally or physically) in a non-consensual manner

Whether you label yourself a slut or not is a personal decision. There are good arguments to be made on why the term isn’t one you may want to adopt. Leora Tanenbaum gave a good explanation for Slate in 2015. I don’t completely agree with her but it’s something to consider.

What the word means to you and what the public thinks can be two different things, and the world may not react to your declaration of “slut” in a way that’s safe.

Shame is the problem, not what we call ourselves

Why are women attempting to take back the term “slut?” Why does SlutWalk exist? Because women are told not to dress as if they’re ready for sex in order to avoid being raped. Because wanting sex, having sex, and appearing sexy are supposed to be things women avoid - the reason given is for our safety, but really, it’s about shame.

So if the term “slut” makes you uncomfortable, forget the word. Ignore the word. Don’t use the word to describe yourself. (Although, calling yourself “his slut” or “her slut” during wild, crazy sex is kind of hot.)

But don’t internalize the meaning either. Ditch the definition of “slut” while you’re at it. Embrace your enjoyment of sex, your desire for a different partner, your love of experimentation, your desire to feel sexy in (or out) of your clothes.

• Whether you advertise your sexuality or not, that’s up to you.


• Whether you talk about your partners with others, that’s up to you.


• Whether you have an open relationship or you prefer a string of one-night stands, totally up to you.

Enjoy sex for the pleasure it gives, the connection you have with another human being, the kinky, freaky things you do with people, the orgasms, the smell, the taste. Embrace those slutty ways and free yourself from the shackles of shame that most of us live with every day. You may be surprised at how much freer and more confident you become once you do.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.

© Allyson Kitts / Dollar Photo Club und Christopher Martin / Dollar Photo Club