Maybe you’re like me and in your 30s having great sex, some of the best of your life. It’s hard to imagine it will ever end. But if you believe, as many do, that once you hit a certain age, you stop having sex, let’s fix that right now. Our capacity for sexual activity may change as we age, but it doesn’t have to dry up completely.
Coming into your sexuality
Some of us slid right on into our sexual selves and all the fun to be had before our voice finished changing or our boobs grew all the way in. Others of us eased into it, slowly but surely. Eventually, we all come to terms with our sexuality in some form or another. Maybe you’re a one man/one woman type. Maybe you’re a whoever looks cute and has a condom type. You’re probably somewhere in between. I think most of us are.
It’s hard to imagine in those early years of heady (if not always amazing) sex that it will ever end. Yet, at the same time, it’s kind of strange to think of our grandparents fucking like bunnies. Okay, maybe, depending on your age, it’s a little gross.
In the middle years of marriage (or not) and children (or not), you may not have nearly as much sex as you want to have. These are the years where we tell ourselves it’s got to be better than this at some point. Of course, even in our 30s, it may seem like an impossible dream to imagine sex in our 50s and older. Kids are clinging to our legs. Jobs have used stressed. There’s never enough money or time. We’re worried about what others think of us.
Frankly, life is exhausting between your 20s and 40s, and if any of us have time for all the sex we think we should want, it’s a lucky thing. Most of us grab it when we can and wish we were sleeping the rest of the time. It’s almost easy to believe life will always be this way, that things will never change, and at the same time, we hope like hell it changes so we can have all this good sex we’re told we should be having at our age.
Fucking in your fifties
As a 30-something year old woman in love with a 50-something year old man, I can assure you that sex doesn’t end in your 50s. I’m not sure even he realized that until we got together. His marriage had been rocky before they ended things. He hadn’t had a lot of other physical relationships before he met me. When we met and started fucking every chance we got - and as a long distance relationship at first, it was difficult - he was surprised.
“I didn’t know I could come twice in a night anymore.”
“I haven’t had this much sex in years.”
If anyone wonders if the equipment still works as you age, let me assure you that it can and (in his case), it does. But that’s not the only thing that improves as you get older. A friend of mine, Sierra, and her partner, SB, are in their early 50s, and their sex life continues to get better and better.
“I have way more sex now than when I was younger. Even though I was married, I tried to do whatever I could to get out of sex. It was a chore, and not very fulfilling. Now it keeps us emotionally, as well as physically connected. When more than a couple days pass, I get antsy and cranky.”
That’s much different than the early years of marriage and kids or the dating scene with nothing but ghosting and catfishing. In your younger years, sex can feel like a chore. You know you should do it. You even, kind of, want to do it, but damn, it’s kind of a hassle, and you’ve got other things to do.
Let’s not act like when we hit our 50s, not everything works the way it used to in our 20s and 30s. There are some nights when my partner doesn’t ejaculate. Oh, he fucks me very well, but he doesn’t orgasm. I used to feel guilty about it, until he explained that sometimes he can’t, and sometimes that’s not the point.
Want a woman who’s only had bad sex with selfish men? Tell her you don’t need the orgasm and you enjoy the sensations, closeness, and intimacy. My panties practically melted off.
For a woman in her 50s (and frankly, even in my mid 30s), our bodies change. Thank perimenopause, pre-menopause, and menopause for that one. Our hormone levels change, and our bodies react. It’s not surprising that vaginal wetness doesn’t quite flow like it did in those early days of sex. You might think you can’t get wet or that you have to give up sex completely.
That’s why we have lube. Sierra and many other woman I know swear by it. I have a few tubes of it in my nightstand because, really, vaginal dryness and other ways our bodies betray us before, during, and after sex, isn’t limited to age.
Sex when we’re old
When most of your friends are in their 50s (like mine are), you’re not allowed to consider that decade an “old” age, but what about beyond into our 60s, 70s, and even older? Is sex a sweet, sweet memory?
Maybe yes, maybe no. I have a dear friend who is in her 60s, a sexual submissive, and a single woman. She is most definitely on the dating scene, and many of our conversations revolve around finding a good Dominant partner - and one who can meet her needs.
In fact, several women I know discovered their kinky side in recent years, and report their sexual experiences with their partners are more fulfilling than ever before. They’re not always more frequent, but they’re better. Sexual satisfaction doesn’t really know an age.
Wrap your mind around this fact. The rate of STDs is increasing in a very specific population: seniors. I live in Florida, very close to a retirement community of 60,000 seniors known as The Villages. Those old people give me hope. Why? Because for years, they’ve had an STD problem.
That sounds awful, doesn’t it. Okay, so the STD problem is bad, and I’m hoping that they’re doing something about that, but a problem like that means that someone is having sex, and if it was a big enough story to make national news, a lot of someones had sex.
Erectile dysfunction - among other issues, like vaginal dryness, arthritis, diabetes, stroke, heart disease, and incontinence - are real health problems seniors face that affect their ability to have sex. Last I checked, there was a medicine for nearly all of those issues. Certainly Viagra has been helping men get hard for years now. Although, some of the side effects of other medications lower sexual appetite. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.
But it also means that, assuming you’re relatively healthy, you can still sex it up as long as you have a willing partner, a hand, or access to batteries or the power cord. My submissive friend says her knees won’t let her kneel anymore, which bothers her, but she’s able to do other things in the context of her D/s relationships that she enjoys.
Ultimately, regardless of your age, that’s what it should be about. Doing what you can that you enjoy.
I’ll share another story. It’s lacking overt sex, but it should give us all hope for the later years in life.
A woman in her mid-80s, known for being a religious woman who always had something to say, was married for 50 years before her husband died. She lived alone, although her children were close by. A few years after he died, her friends introduced her to a man around her age, a quiet widower with a thick Texas drawl. He didn’t say much, but when he did, everyone listened.
They met and soon became inseparable. They stayed in her home. They stayed in his home. Eventually, maintaining two homes became too much, plus they wanted to marry and truly live together. They decided not to marry in a legal sense - no sense screwing up their healthcare, taxes, or other benefits so late in life - but as a devout Catholic, she wanted to be married in the church. Her new man agreed to convert to Catholicism (at 80-something!) and her pastor agreed to marry them both, even though there was no legal document.
By all accounts, these two are madly in love, inseparable, and in the words of the person who shared the story, “She is even more in love with her new husband than her first, who she clearly adored.”
I don’t know if they’re fucking or not, but if that doesn’t give you hope for something good when you’re old, I don’t know what will.
Will we still be fucking when we’re old? If we want to and we’re willing to take care of our health in the years to come, it sounds like the odds are good. I know I plan to be getting fucked or getting off long after the gray hairs arrive and the age spots appear.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.
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