Why Scissoring Never Works

Scissoring has always been considered a way of life for lesbians – There doesn’t need to be an explanation, many presume this is all lesbians do in fact. It has been tried and tested many times over, so here are 6 reasons why scissoring never works…

1. Not everyone is that flexible

why scissoring never works

Humour me for a moment and put your hands in the shape of two pairs of scissors. Put them inside each other and then think ‘how would this really work?’ – Yeah, I wonder that too. The time it takes to get into position will probably kill your mood and make you want to cuddle up and watch Orange Is the New Black instead.

2. Nobody can take it seriously

Every lesbian at some point in their lives has been asked about what they get up to in bed. ‘How do lesbians have sex?’ is usually the topic after a couple drinks too many, or none at all for the rude people. When the same people presume that all lesbians do is scissor and lick each other out, nobody can take it seriously ever again.

3. It takes fucking ages

Yes the clit is stimulating, but women are shaped differently in all kinds of ways. Where the best spot for you is might not be the same for your partner, so when it comes to scissoring you’ve really got to get the angle right. And even then, you’re not guaranteed an orgasm. You need plenty of time to even try get each off like this.

4. You’re more likely to get a kick in the head than an orgasm

why scissoring never works

Scissoring is a bit like lesbian yoga. It seems like a good idea, but when it is put into practice you wish you’d just done something else. If you’re a fan of kissing during sex, scissoring does nearly everything to stop just that. Unless you’re a gymnast, a dancer or double jointed. Asking ‘just move your leg over a bit’ will more than likely end in a black eye rather than a screaming orgasm.

5. Sometimes lesbians just want a quickie

That is never going to happen if you’re scissoring. Not only does it take time to actually manoeuvre yourselves into position, but then all that rubbing around is going to take forever. So just dive in, have fun and

6. It can’t be done drunk

We all get horny when we’re drunk. But trying to scissor sober is hard enough. Is there any solution? Yes, quit it, and fuck each other’s brains out in any other way.

1 Comment