We all have that picture in our head these sexy moments: how our most intense, most orgasmic moments will go. They're going to touch you right there. You’ll put your hand there. Fingers will touch that, tongues will taste this.
By the end, you’ll be an exhausted, sweaty mess, gasping for breath, and wondering how you’ll ever move again now that all of your bones have melted away. It’s scorching hot and will go down in your sexual history as Best Night Ever.
And then you get a leg cramp. Or someone’s body makes a weird noise. Was that a queef or a fart?
Understand it’s normal
I think anyone who’s had sex for more than about five minutes has figured out that weird things can and will happen when you’re in the middle of a really intimate, really erotic moment. From stomach issues to burping in your partner’s mouth, anything that can happen, will.
It’s pretty easy to wonder if you’ve just ruined the best Netflix and chill of your life or if you’re about to be dumped by the best fuck you’ve ever had. If you both realize that bodies are weird, messy, noisy, and sometimes damned inconvenient, you can relax.
No one wants the world’s longest and loudest belch to ruin that thing he was doing to your clit. And I promise you, when your stomach does that queasy dance of hell, you’re really hoping she doesn’t notice - or mind that you threw her off the bed in your rush to get to the bathroom. It would only be better if the exhaust fan was louder and the air freshener really did cover up smells.
Sexy moments gone wrong: just laugh it off
The first time I queefed during a rather fast, hard, rough pounding of doggy style, I sobbed out of sheer embarrassment. The second time, I laughed my ass off (er, well, you know what I mean), especially when he didn’t even miss a beat. He smacked my ass, made a sarcastic comment about noisy pussies, and kept on going.
Leg cramps, falling off the bed, the odd muscle spasm in your toe (true story) - because it’s normal and because it’s natural, instead of letting it ruin your sexy moments, just laugh it off. And hell, rubbing out a cramp or two can lead to plenty of other rubbing, once your body calms the hell down.
There is nothing sexier than shared laughter when you’re both naked, wet, and willing. Silly giggles and intense fucking is more erotic than you might realize. It leads an added layer of intimacy between you and your partner. How can you worry about what might happen after what feels like The Worst has already happened?
I’m all for trying to forget the embarrassing stuff, but the best part about that really unsexy moment in the middle of the grinding, screaming, sweaty fucking, is the great story you’ll have later.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.
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