What it’s like to be a squirter

Some people think only porn stars do it - and when they do, it’s fake. Some people think it’s urine. Some people think you can only do it through G-spot stimulation. As a mattress-soaking, sheet-changing squirter, I’m here to tell you “some people” are wrong.

What is it like to be a squirter? Well, every woman has a different experience, but I think we have a few things in common.

If you're a squirter, you worry it’s pee the first few times

I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 32. Thirty-TWO. While the obvious - bad partner, bad sex, lots of inhibitions - didn’t help, the big reason was because I always felt like I was going to wet the bed when an orgasm was close. To avoid that embarrassment, I tamped down my orgasms and faked my way through my 20s.

By the time I was divorced and ready to get sexual again, I knew I had to deal with the not-orgasming-might-be-urinating thing. After the first gushy orgasm, I did several things to reassure myself I wasn’t peeing everywhere.

• I checked my lily white sheets for the obvious yellow stain. Not there.


• I sniffed my fingers and toys covered in squirty fluids. Nope, didn’t smell like urine.


• I even, after several moments of hesitation, tasted it. Nothing like what I imagine pee might taste like. A little sweet actually. Yum!

Whether feminine ejaculation and squirting are two separate things and where either of them come from is still being debated. In 2015, a study of seven women that claimed the fluid was urine set the sex-talking world on fire. The hashtag #notpee began, and I jumped on the bandwagon. Why? Because if I was terrified it was urine before the report, how would a woman feel after that report came out? Because seven women is hardly conclusive. Because even to my untrained, totally unscientific eyes, the study created more questions than answers.

Dehydration is a real problem

I’m a kinky girl living in a kinky world. Forced orgasms are totally a thing when I get naked with my partner. Because I can often (but not always) squirt and multiple orgasms are very possible when I’m relatively relaxed, we have to keep water on hand. I’ve masturbated alone, soaking everything around me, and forgotten my water. Not good.

My orgasms didn’t just leave me weak because I was sated and relaxed. My throat was dry. My muscles were weak. Getting out of bed was a problem - I almost fell down a few times. If you’re a squirter or you love someone who is, make sure they have plenty of water afterwards.

We change our sheets a lot

I have what I call a “mattress condom” to protect my bed. It’s a waterproof mattress cover and (so far) not even our messiest moments have penetrated. I have friends who throw down plastic or special sheets before they get ready to play and get all squirty. I’m too lazy for that.

Wet sheets leave wet spots. You can either sleep in them - and we have. Or you’re changing sheets in the middle of the night which I’ve done. Even if I don’t swap out the wet sheets for dry ones in the middle of the night, I’m going to do it the next morning. The smell of sex is intense and lust-inducing. The stale of dried, stale sex, not so much.

Clits causing squirting, too

There are a lot of images, videos, and infographics out there that will tell you how to help your partner become a squirter through g-spot stimulation. I say good for you, try that. For me, though? G-spot feels really good and will probably make me squirt, but they take a long time to build up to the good part.

Clits, on the other hand, or at least my clit is a hot button for more than one reason. Sure, like many women, a clitoral orgasm is simply easier, but when my mind and body are relaxed and the moment is just right, pushing that button is like opening a faucet. With my Hitachi, I’ll start gushing almost immediately. With other toys or my hand, it usually takes a few orgasms before the wet stuff arrives.

It might not be possible for every woman to squirt, but it’s worth a try

Okay, let me clarify. It’s worth trying to squirt as long as you don’t think you have to squirt. It’s worth trying as long as you don’t stress yourself out if it doesn’t happen. And it’s worth trying if you can keep your sense of humor about the whole thing. The moment you start obsessing over your ability (or lack thereof) to squirt, and it’s no longer a fun thing to try, stop doing it. It’s not worth it. There are no prizes for being able to squirt although a discount on laundry detergent wouldn’t hurt.

Squirting isn’t just a porn star thing, and even if some women in porn fake it, I don’t believe they all do. I have several sex blogging friends who have discovered over the years that they can squirt, and we all have one thing in common: Squirting isn’t a guarantee in every orgasm. Sometimes you didn’t drink enough water. Sometimes you’re not relaxed enough. Sometimes your body isn’t being stimulated in just the exact right way. And hell, sometimes, women’s bodies are confusing and who knows why it isn’t happening?

Whether you squirt or not, what really matters is that you’re enjoying your sexual experiences with your partner(s). I promise I’m not complaining about squirting and really, I wish I had more time to have more gushy orgasms. If you’ve added it to your sexual bucket list, go for it. If you don’t care one way or another, good for you. What really matters is that you’re satisfied by your sexual experience, not whether you flooded the bed.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.