How to Have Sex in a Graveyard and Not Get Caught

There’s a fine line between scary and sexy, and it can be fun to walk that line, but is there anything spookier or more frightening than a graveyard? Does that get your blood racing? Having sex in a cemetery might not automatically make your list of places to have sex but this article will give you all the information you need to make this fantastically frightening fantasy a reality! 

Be prepared

Spontaneous sex is fantastic, but when it comes to sex outdoors, you don’t want to be caught in the act – at least not by anyone who isn’t in on your sexy plan.  So if you're going to have sex in the cemetery, you need to do a few things in advance to make sure your kinky fantasy goes smoothly. 

Visit your chosen cemetery

It might be that you want to use your local graveyard, it might be that you want to go to one a little further away from home. You need to visit your chosen graveyard in advance. This way you can check for the most secluded area to have sex in, look out for security cameras and even find out the opening and closing times for the crematorium, so you will know when there’s likely not to be many people there. 

Many gravestones can be precarious or unsafe. Take a look around before having sex and choose an area with graves that won’t be a danger or be destroyed by anything vigorous that might happen.
 

Scope out your chosen graveyard first for a nice secluded spot...

Put together a kit bag 

You might not need lots of things but be sure you gather everything together in advance. It could be wet and muddy so take a blanket with you or a change of clothes if the idea of getting messy turns you on!  Remember the essentials for safe sex, like condoms and lube if you use them. You might also need a torch, in case the area you pick isn’t well lit or you get a bit lost. 

Practise an excuse 

No matter how prepared you are, there is a chance you could get caught. Practise your excuse in advance, so you don’t say something silly in your panic.  You could say you were there on a dare, you feel closest to a passed loved one in the cemetery, you couldn’t sleep and decided to go for a walk, or even you’re an author and doing research. Pick something that you know will sound convincing. 

On the day

There are still a few practical things you need to be aware of on the day of your sexy, spooky adventure:

• Plan your visit for a quiet time of day; night time is probably best.
• Be on the lookout for security lights and cameras. You don’t want to have your sexy moment caught on camera or interrupted by a security guard 
• Wear appropriate clothing. Easy access clothes (no underwear) is a must, so if you hear someone coming, you can be fully dressed again in moments. 
• Park discreetly, not in the middle of a car park or a busy road. You don’t want to draw attention to yourself especially if you’ll be scurrying back covered in mud and leaves with your hair messed up! 

Try to keep alert to noises around you even when you’re in the middle of fulfilling your sexy fantasy, so you don’t get caught in the act. Remember that the longer you spend out there, the bigger your chance of discovery is, so don’t hang around, enjoy the post-coital bliss elsewhere! 


Be prepared for 'paranormal activity'...

However, if you want to build the tension maybe read a spooky story before you leave the house or as you sit in the car before entering the cemetery. You could tell ghost stories as you walk to your chosen spot, or describe how excited you are to be finally fulfilling such a kinky fantasy.  This way you can make the experience last without upping your chances of getting into trouble.

After you've had sex in your chosen part of the graveyard, you need to check the area around you. Make sure you’re not leaving anything that wasn’t already there. Take any used condoms with you, check you’ve got all your clothes and belongings. Yes, you’re covering your steps but also being respectful of public space. 

And of course, being out in a graveyard especially late at night, you might want to be prepared in case of paranormal activity . Maybe a wooden stake might come in handy or some holy water in case any vampires, ghosts or ghouls are lurking around, but most of all have safe and consensual spooktacularly sexy fun and tell us all about it when you’re done!