Four steps for a successful and sexy threesome

Getting together a ménage à trios remains in the realm of fantasy for most of us, but when you’re serious about experimenting and maybe have a willing partner, how do you take things to the next level with your threesome?

Step 1: Talk it out

When everyone involved is single then the risk of jealous moments or worse still a complete relationship meltdown is removed. For the rest of us it’s vital to establish those boundaries, some couples decided to keep penetration between themselves as a way of maintaining a degree of distance from the other person. Others are happy to let anything go, but boundaries can safeguard people’s emotional wellbeing and stop them feeling cheated on.

Establish that everyone has equal enthusiasm for what’s about to happen, fantasising about group sex is one thing, bringing another man or woman into your bed and letting them get all over your partner is different. Even if it’s only for one night, the memories can stick, so negotiate carefully rather than risk causing harm to a loving relationship.

Step 2: Finding a third

The BDSM scene has plenty of forums and meet-ups designed to bring kinky people together, so if you’re part of the community, or willing to be, finding a potential play partner is simple. Otherwise, a mutual friend could be a good choice, just be honest about the plan and leave it with them to make the next move. If that’s not an option then get online, you’ll be spoilt for choice. OKCupid, Fetlife and various other kinky hook up joints have many polyamorous couple ads, so write one of your own and start firing off messages to open minded singles. Once you’ve got someone in mind, get to know them before diving in, find out how well the three of you communicate, whether there’s an attraction and if you can trust them - no one wants an STI or a naked pic of themselves floating round on social media a week later.

Protect yourself, but also remember that this new person deserves respect too. They might be coming onboard for a little hanky panky, but you’re still dealing with an individual who’ll quickly consider backing out if they start feeling like a sex toy. Regular messaging, and the occasional date night together before you get under the covers, should enable you to pick up on any warning signs.

Step 3: Getting it on

Using protection is essential, along with sharing out the pleasure, but other than that, it’s up to you. Planning out a few moves beforehand can be a great icebreaker when it comes to the event, but if the action flows naturally, then don’t fight it.

When it’s over most threesome arrangements have the third leave first, after plenty of cuddles and reassurances about how cute/horny they are. Alone again you might want to regain your intimacy with some post-threesome sex, talk about what happened for a few hours, or fall asleep in each other’s arms – whatever feels right

Step 4: Talk it out, again

Is it really double the pleasure? With so many hands, feet, limbs and emotions involved, having a threesome can become complicated. The degree of awkwardness will also depend on the kind of coupling you go for. If everyone’s gay or bi in a MMM or WWW threesome, then it’s ok to assume you’re all feeling the love, but what if it’s a MFF or a MMF party? Well, then you’ve got two people who potentially aren’t attracted to each other and one person in the middle who feels like they’re doing all the work. This can lead to a ‘three’s a crowd’ type situation that’s the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.

Like any new sexual situation, it’s worth thinking about it in the cold light of day before ripping off your clothes. A threesome might be a life changing experience if you’ve always fantasised about group sex, but on the other hand it could be a letdown - especially if you’re hoping for the kind of soft focus porn threesomes you’ve seen on RedTube.

Not everyone can handle the realities of threesome sex, but if you’re adventurous, ready for the ride and have realistic expectations, there’s no reason to hold back.

Image by Giorgiovia Flickr with CC BY 2.0 license