Does flirting style matter?

Does your flirting style matter? Flirting is hilariously fun for me, but for some it’s awful. It’s the reason they avoid dating. The dreaded thing they must do in order to get someone to notice them. The irony is that many of these same people flirt constantly and are completely unaware of it! Not only do they flirt, but they’re quite good at it! The fact my friends were unaware of their ability made me see that there are different styles to flirting, and those flirting styles matter.

Flirting styles can be quite successful, if we understand them

Most people can recognize the sexy, confident flirt. This person may walk into a room, standing tall, with their shoulders back, and command a presence instantly. They don’t trip on their words or blush at a mere thought. A flirtation might be the way she sips her drink, or the way he smiles with a hint of seduction, and often times these types of flirters are direct. They may appear to be more successful because of their confidence, yet what I’ve witnessed is that it’s more of their directness that gets them the attention they seek.

There's this flirting style, and then there’s the kind of flirt that most of my friends are: the geeky, dorky, tripping over their words flirt. These people may literally trip as well, or spill a drink, or blush insanely at upon making eye contact. They may come across as being terrible flirters, yet I don’t believe they are. The dorky flirt can often be just as successful because this kind of flirtation—while not the sexy and confident kind—comes off as innocent and adorable. Dorkiness is its own type of flirting. As is shy flirting, overzealous flirting, bookworm flirting, and so on.

How does understanding our own flirting style help us?

Like attracts like, at least in a relationship sense. Most people that enjoy staying up late playing games online are going to look for someone that enjoys the same thing. An author might seek another author, so they can write together. Someone who loves the corporate world is likely to attract someone with the same interests. What this means is that while a confident, sexy flirt might seem like the ideal, they are only ideal for other confident, sexy flirters. I say this with one caveat…

Opposites may attract when one person, or both, are seeking to grow and change. I’ve usually been the dorky and accidental flirter and when I met my second partner, he was the confident, sexy sort. He intimidated the hell out of me, but I wanted to become more confident and sexy. So initially, we did attract as opposites.

For most though, like will attract like. Someone wearing a fandom shirt is likely to draw another fandom person and without noticing, they are likely to flirt. And this is fantastic! Whether you’re a dorky flirter, a sexy flirter, or a combination of one style or another, your flirting style—when you are true to yourself and what you’re seeking—will likely lead you straight to the right kind of person!

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.