A Guide to Dirty Talk For Beginners

Whether you're gasping passionate endearments into a lover's ear in bed or murmuring salaciously to someone halfway across the world, dirty talk can improve any relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't feel confident enough to give it a go. Popcorn.dating got some basic tips to get you started in the world of dirty talk.

Start slowly

Fundamentally, good dirty talk is all about expressing desire. Nothing's hotter than feeling wanted, and this kind of sexual expression excels at making your partner feel that way. You don't have to get too creative when you start out, a simple “I want you to fuck me” is a great opener, especially in a public situation. Too much too fast? Start out with simple compliments that cross the line into propositions. “I can't wait to get you home” is a classic.
 

Good dirty talk needs good ordinary talk

The easiest way to be comfortable talking to your partner during sex is to be comfortable talking to your partner about sex. Talk honestly about what worked for you, focusing on the positive. “I loved when you X; that makes me feel Y.” Everyone likes a good review, and you'll find that the conversation tends to shade into flirtation naturally. 
 

Be specific

Once you've tried out some basic verbal foreplay, it helps to be specific. Compliment your partner's features. “I love the way you touch me” is good; “I want your big hands around my throat” is better. Of course, your mileage with any of these phrases will vary, as we discuss below. 
 

Develop the right tone

We tend to imagine sexy talk, whether phone sex or face to face, as talking in a husky, sexy voice. Sadly, we don't all sound like that, but the tone is just as important as how your voice. You can't say something filthy in a casual tone, and you probably shouldn't scream it at the top of your lungs. The tone you're looking for is one of intimate intensity. You have to sound like you mean what you say and that your partner is the only one to whom you can say it. 
 

What are you wearing? 
 

Know your audience

Just like sex is different for everyone, the kind of talk that turns each person on is different. Some people like being called a helpless little fuckdoll, (quite a lot of) other people find that kind of language insulting. I've had partners who would purr into my ear that they couldn't wait to suck my cock but couldn't tell me they wanted to suck my dick without breaking into laughter. 

The structure of dirty talk also depends on your dynamic in bed. Typically, you're going to fall into one of a few categories, listed here with some relevant dirty talk examples: 

As with any sexual experimentation, there will be times when you forget how to dirty talk and say something ridiculous. You may be hoping that your triumphant “whose pussy is this?” is going to net a breathy “it's yours,” but at least half the time you'll be met with a laugh. They key here is to accept that that happens: laugh about it together and then don't do it again.

Occasionally, especially if you have a rougher or kinkier side to your sex life, you could run the risk of saying something that upsets or frightens a partner. Like everything else, this is all about communication. If you're going to get nasty – and there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you're both into – it can't come as a surprise to your partner. 
 

Know your medium

There are three kinds of dirty talk: there's dirty talk as flirtation, talk during sex, and then finally phone sex. 

Dirty talk as a form of flirtation requires a light touch – the goal is to create a sense of anticipation and, if you're in public, share the thrill of being inappropriate. Don't go into too much graphic detail here: you just want to let your partner know who's going to fuck the shit out of them later (it's you, ideally). 

Talking during sex is more free-form and improvisational. It's all about evoking a particular response, setting the mood and just expressing yourself. It's the time to be direct: tell your partner what feels right, what you want them to do, and what you're going to do to them. 

Phone sex is a whole other beast. When you're engaging in this often-overlooked practice, dirty talk is more like storytelling. You want to use specific and descriptive language – you can use it to spell out a fantasy, or just to describe what you're doing. The potential pitfall is that our society has turned “what are you wearing?” into a punchline, but if you don't worry about the silliness, you'll find it can be really hot. 

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