While porn seems to be the first port of call when it comes to learning a new trick or two, it doesn't always mean they are necessarily getting everybody off. Collectively, us women need to protest some of these porn inspired sex moves to ensure they never happen, ever again. Here are nine sex moves we wish men just wouldn't do.
1. The clueless kisser
We all love a passionate snog and some teasing tongue action, but once it gets a little rougher, pushing your face into ours is just not cool. We get that you’re into it, but is this really necessary? Keep changing from rough to light and mix things up a bit rather than force your tongue onto our tonsils.
2. The non-stop position changes
This isn't a game of Twister, dude. f it seems to be working out for both of us, then why change it? We don’t have an audience and you wont be getting extra points for hitting the entire book of karma sutra sex moves in one session. So if its making me scream, just stay where you are for now.
3. The bizarre boob massages
A cheeky lick or flick on my nipples is fine, but trying to guess my cup size by giving my tits a strange grope is not going to do anything for me. Yes they’re squishy, but I’d much rather your hands were elsewhere and your tongue did all the work.
4. The alphabet oral
I’m not entirely sure where this one came from, but spelling the alphabet with your tongue on my clit is really going to take a while, and get us nowhere. But don’t jab it in either, so let’s tone it down, switch the tempo up and then we’ll be talking.
5. The finger blasting
We aren't looking to be plunged, so please calm it down a little. You’re not trying to find a prize in there either, so don’t go rummaging around too much. We are human, not a challenge on TV that needs every finger of yours to grab the gold at the end of the rainbow.
6. The awkward dirty talk
Being called a filthy whore may fulfill someone's fantasy, but I’m not one for being insulted in the bedroom, so you should probably mention this beforehand or there will be an argument mid-sex. And nobody wants that.
7. Asking us repeatedly if we've come yet
If you have to ask, then you should already know the answer.
8. The silence
Honestly, excessive moaning and dirty talk is better than nothing at all. Why are you so quiet? Are you seriously enjoying the sound of the traffic outside? Nobody wants to be able to hear that squelch/slapping noise of your balls thank you very much.
9 Interfering a little too much when we’re on top
We’ve GOT THIS. There is no need to try massage every part of me and thrust yourself into me when we’re working on different rhythms here. There is a reason why we’re on top, now let us do our thing.
Images by Valeria Preisler and Rachel Kramer Bussel via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 license
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