7 Things Women Hate to Hear In Bed

There are many phrases and words women hate to hear in bed. These can vary dramatically, from simply coming across as untactful to seeming pretty insulting. Here's a guide to how not to fuck up, or at least to the seven things we can't stand to hear in bed.

1. Can you move your head a bit, I can’t see…

This is you telling us we don't have your full attention. If the TV is blaring out with some sort of sitcom in the background and you’re navigating your way around us for the best view, guys be warned, we will probably be showing you the door instead.

2. Have you cum yet? (over and over again)

Come on guys, you should have learnt this one by now: if you have to ask, you should probably already know the answer. Neither of us wanting to be waiting on ceremony for the female orgasm, but by you asking us over and over again you’re simply sending it further away. Sorry lads, this is a big one we don't want to hear in bed.

3. I’m tired, can you go on top?

Where is the passion guys? Where is the sexiness? Throw us around a bit and we’ll end up there, but when we know you really can’t be bothered to fuck, we’re not going to really fancy riding you either. It has to be some sort of joint effort not us bobbing up and down while you glance at the TV over our shoulder.

4. Call me Daddy, please

Not everyone is going to be okay with this. But the little ‘please’ at the end sounds desperate rather than sexy. In bed we want rough and unpredictable not a polite chit chat about the weather and what you’d like us to do. ‘Could you suck on my penis please?’ er, no. This isn't a conversation in an lift or on in the bank. Consent and tact are important; being unnecessarily polite in bed isn't.

7 things we hate to hear in bed

5. How are your ***’s tits so much bigger?

Tact, my friends. This one should be obvious. Now really isn't the time to be discussing our cup size, especially when you’re comparing them to a sibling’s (or friend's, roomate's, etc...). Not only is this a total mood killer while you’re grabbing at our tits and giving our nipples a quick lick, but now we've got our *** on our mind and our orgasm is long gone. Not cool.

6. I haven’t got long, are you nearly there?

See point 2, because this isn’t helping anyone. Surely you want to make us cum and feel like you’ve done a good job, not just roll off and head out the door with a semi still? Telling us you haven’t got long is only slightly acceptable if we know you’re on your lunch break, but giving us a time limit to work with isn’t going to rush us into orgasm oblivion but very much the opposite. Communication is important. Good communication is more important.

7. Can you feel that?

This really isn’t doing your own ego much good, if you’re doing it right you’ll know about it. We love gripping onto the bed sheets and occasionally biting the pillow to stop ourselves screaming, so if we’re laying back thinking of England then your ‘can you feel that?’ is a pretty obvious no, sorry.