Kinks aren't always lifelong—they can grow, change and develop over time. Cybersex can allow you to explore new kinks, get used to them, figure out how they work for you and what you want to get out of them. It's a safe space where anything's possible.
Anyone in a long distance relationship can tell you that phone sex and its ilk are vital for keeping a sexual connection alive when you spend lots of time apart. The principle applies to other sexual relationships, too; secondaries who have one date a month but like to keep in touch the rest of the time, for example, or a couple who live together and find that their sex life is hotter if they flirt remotely during the working day.
Lots of people find talking dirty difficult or awkward, even those who really get off on it. Typing is less daunting than speaking out loud, and cybersex can help you get used to phrasing things well. You’ll also find it’s a good way to figure out what it turns you on to say and hear.
If you’re cybering with a stranger you met on the internet, there’s a lot less pressure to perform than there is with a real life partner, and that can be extremely liberating. It can be safer, too—you’ll always have an easy way to leave if you start to feel at all uncomfortable.
It can be isolating to feel like you have an unusual or uncommon kink, or if you don’t know anyone who’s into the same things as you are. Meeting people online who share your fetishes can be an incredible experience, and it might also help you hook into a community—which could in turn lead to you getting to meet people who share these kinks offline.
A lot of kinky people have fantasies that wouldn't work in reality. sometimes because it would be too unsafe or unethical, sometimes because they know they wouldn't be entirely comfortable in real life, and sometimes because it would be impossible. Cybersex allows you to act these things out verbally in a way that works nearly as well.
A good cybersex session is like your very own personalized porn, in which you are a direct participant and can control how the action goes. If nothing else, that can lead to some truly brilliant orgasms later when you’re by yourself and in the mood.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to genre fiction, social justice and M.A.C lipstick.Follow her on her website or @see_abi_write.
Images from Billy Metcalf Photography with CC BY 2.0 Licence and Patryk Kosmider via dollarphotoclub
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