Do you ever find yourself attracted to someone, only to then have a conversation, and suddenly the sexual chemistry is gone? Sexual compatibility goes above and beyond the physical body and it’s vital if you want a healthy relationship. While attraction might be high in the beginning, if one person likes missionary sex and the other kinky, doggy style sex, you will eventually run into issues.
Preferred sex positions may not always be a deal breaker. However, for someone like me who enjoys rough sex, I’m not going to do well with someone that likes very vanilla sex. I might be very attracted to that person, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll be right together as a couple. Sexual compatibility is especially problematic for monogamous folks. I can have multiple partners, so I can get my needs met elsewhere.
Spotting those signs of attractions isn’t always easy. It might be extra long glances, giggling at anything you say, but those signals might not mean a desire to date. Romantic compatibility is important too.
For some, the moment they sense that sexual chemistry, they ask the person out on a date. I, however, tend to hold off and get to know the person a little better. As I mentioned above, sexual chemistry between two people doesn’t always mean sexual compatibility. I like to talk about my likes and needs and desires right up front, before agreeing to a date. That might feel super bold and too direct to some, but in the long run, it saves time and energy.
Discover your sexual compatibility
It’s important to understand that sexual chemistry, sexual compatibility, and being love compatible are all different. Great chemistry between two people doesn't necessarily mean there will be a strong sexual compatibility as well.
Unless you enjoy months of dating without knowing whether or not you’ll work out in the long haul, it’s best to start addressing these things up front. Personally, I use a list when I'm on dating sites or fetish sites, and my needs aren’t negotiable. Now that I have it memorised I use it in person as well.
When I’m able to be direct, I ask the person what kind of relationship they prefer. Are they a hopeless romantic or an open-relationship type of person? Do they explore sexuality or stick to what they know? It's an excellent way to determine sexual compatibility or whether or not you're love compatible. If they aren’t able to articulate their wants and desires, you can start by sharing yours.
If the other person is saying things like, “You’re hot, I want to get to know you better,” or “I’d like to fuck you", you have an excellent opportunity to be equally straightforward back. Not everyone is that self-aware though, and often people are shy about their attractions. If the person is more subtle in showing signs of attraction, being so direct is likely going to make them uncomfortable. It might be better to sit down with the person and talk before asking them out.
One way in which I gather information is to ask about movies they’ve seen or music they like, but I use titles that would give me information about their romantic/relationship likes and needs specifically. If I ask someone’s favourite love story and it’s 'The Notebook', that’s going to be a sign there's no sexual compatibility between us. If their answer is 'The Secretary', I know we’re in good company. Relate the songs, books, or movies to things that will tell you about what that person likes sexually or relationship wise.
Remember, communication is always the most important in any relationship. Even if yours is purely about sex, you still need healthy talks about sex. Don’t be afraid to ask, share, and be direct whenever possible.
What are your tricks to figure out if there is sexual compatibility between you and someone you just met? Log in to Popcorn.dating's dating section and test your ability to read the signs of attraction.
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