Ask Molly | Sex Tips | Moving on From a Relationship

In need of some sex tips or solid relationship advice? You've come to the right place. Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore gives her best response to a woman asking for advice on moving on from a relationship.

 

Dear Molly
I have been dating this guy for over six months now. At first, it was amazing; he introduced to me aspects of BDSM. He explained about being dominant and submissive, and I found myself taking to the submissive side of things. However over the last month or so he seems to have lost interested and become more and more distant. I have tried reaching out to him, but he doesn't respond. The thought of giving up on that relationship is making me feel sad and anxious. Should I move on? If so, how do I do that without moving on from being submissive because I think I really want that?
A lost girl

Dear A lost girl
How amazing that you met someone who introduced you to BDSM and helped you to discover your submissive kink. I can remember clearly when the same thing happened to me. It was exhilarating and fun, and I definitely fell in love a little bit. At the time I thought I fell in love with the man, but I think it was more with the way he made me feel. I can also remember when I realised that it was over between us. Like yours, that relationship was fairly short. I found myself feeling utterly lost and confused at him losing interest in me/us. It took me a while to recover from that. Now I look back on that time, and I am grateful for that experience, and I think you will feel that way too. 
 


Moving on and realising what you've learned

Discovering that you are turned on by being in a Dom/sub type relationship with someone is fantastic. It means you now have a better idea of the type of relationship that you would like to be in. You will be better able to go out and find that with someone who wants the same things as you.
 

Moving on from a vulnerable position

I know you are feeling a little sad and lost at the moment, but this guy is not the right man for you. I think you probably know that in your heart. Vanishing on someone in the way he has with you completely breaks the trust you have with them. Trust is essential in all relationships. It's particularly important in any relationship where one person is giving up power and control to another. You cannot continue to place yourself in such a physically and emotionally vulnerable position with a person who may disappear at any moment. You deserve and should always expect to be treated better than that. Always remember that your submission is not something that is taken from you. It is something you share with someone who will treasure it and use it for your mutual pleasure.
 

Moving on - focus on youreslf

Moving on from something like this is super challenging because your newfound submission is currently only associated with this man. So it feels like if this relationship ends then so will you being submissive. That is not true. You are submissive. That is not something that can be taken away from you because you're moving on from a relationship. For now, it is something you have to look after for a little while until you find the right person to share it with. Moving on means you can spend some time focusing on you. Treat yourself to some things you like. A good book and a hot bath, a night out with friends, or a night in masturbating to filthy BDSM stories. Whatever makes you feel like you are putting yourself first. 
 

Moving on to better things

Also use this time to think about what you might want a D/s relationship to look like. Would you want it to be an in the bedroom thing only, or are you looking for more than that?  Focusing on things like this means that when you meet someone new, you will be able to be clear about what you want. 
 

Moving on and finding someone better  

I also recommend doing some research and reading more on the subject. It will help you to realise that the way this man has treated you is not OK. Furthermore, by moving on you can and will find someone better. The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren is an excellent book that I think you will find very useful.

Molly x 


Have you experienced anything similar? What's your best advice on moving on from a breakup? Share your own experience and tips to moving on after a relationship in the Popcorn.dating forum - for free!