Sex Tips | How do I Tell My Partner I Might Be Bisexual?

Looking for sex tips or some great relationship advice? Look no further! Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore responds to a bi-curious man who needs advice on how to bring up his bisexual fantasies with his girlfriend.

 

Dear Molly

I have a girlfriend, and we have a good active sex life together, but I often fantasise about being with another guy. Not all the time, I enjoy the sexual relationship with my girlfriend. However, I do think about what it would be like to suck another bloke's dick or have a guy suck me off. I know that might sound weird. I have not told my girlfriend about these bisexual fantasies as I am worried that it will be a turn off for her. 
 I am also not sure what I'd even say if I tried bringing it up. Would I tell my girlfriend I am bisexual? Since I have never done anything with a man, that does not seem quite right. I really don't know what to do for the best.
X

Dear X
First of all, nothing about what you have said sounds weird to me. Having sexual fantasies is entirely normal, and fantasies about same-sex sexual activity are incredibly common regardless of the person's gender. Historically it has been far more acceptable for women to fantasise about being with a woman. That is because it is an idea that turns on many men. Sadly men's conflict about their sexuality created an environment where the same could not be said for men. However slowly, it is changing, and it is gradually becoming more acceptable that men are exploring their bisexuality. 
 


Bisexual or bi-curious?

As you have said, you have not currently explored this side of your sexuality with another person. So at this stage, it would be appropriate to say that you identify as being bi-curious. You like the idea of having same-sex sexual relations with someone, but have little or no experience of actually doing so. Furthermore, you have not adequately explored those feelings for real to know for sure if you are bisexual or not. From what you describe that seems to fit you well. 
 

Introduce the topic of bisexuality gradually

I think sharing this with your girlfriend is definitely the optimal thing to do. It would allow you to be both truly honest with her about your sexuality. It could also give you space within that relationship with your girlfriend to explore your desires and find out if you are bisexual. I am not proposing that you necessarily jump straight into being with a man. Maybe start by sharing fantasies and thoughts you both have during sex which would allow you to introduce the topic of bisexuality gradually. This way you could explore it together in a shared fantasy.
 

Bisexuality - is it a deal breaker? 

Only you can know how you think she might respond to such information. If you feel that maybe she would be horrified or even end your relationship, then that will inform what decision you make. I would urge you to seriously consider whether that means she is the right partner for you. Not being able to share your bisexual desires and fantasies openly with a partner is not the healthiest way to be. In the long term, it can lead to feeling frustrated and unhappy with that restrictive environment.
 

How to bring up being bi-curious

If you do decide to share these thoughts with your girlfriend there are a number of ways in which you could do that. Of course, the obvious one is to just come out with it. That would be a very bold move and is probably most likely to cause a shocked reaction on her part. She would not at all be prepared for it.
 

Share your bisexual fantasies  

You might want to consider sharing some erotic fiction or porn with your girlfriend that explores those kinds of themes. Her reaction to them will help to inform you how she might react to you sharing with her your bisexual fantasies. Hopefully, she will be turned on by the story or open to discussing what in the piece is sexy for you both. That provides the perfect opening for you to talk about some of the things you have thought about. 
 

Be with someone who accepts your bisexual desires 

If she reacts negatively, that is information that you can use to decide how you want to proceed. Being with someone with whom you can communicate well and talk openly with will make for a much happier and stronger relationship. I wish you luck with taking this new step in your sexual life. 

Molly x 
 

Have you been in a relationship with a bisexual partner? What's your best advice to someone who is bi-curious? Share your own experience and tips to bringing up bisexuality in a relationship in the Popcorn.dating forum - for free!