Sex Tips | Rediscovering Dating & Sex After Divorce

Looking for sex tips or relationship advice? Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore's sex column is here to answer all of your burning questions. This month, Molly responds to a woman worried about going back to dating and having sex after a divorce. 

Dear Molly

Last year I separated from my husband, and after months of negotiation, we're now divorced. At first, it was a real shock to the system, but now that the dust has settled I find myself oddly relieved to be free of him. I want to start exploring. Although I have no desire to get married again, I want to have a sex life, but I am also nervous about both dating and having sex after my divorce.

I am in my early 40's, and my husband has been my only sexual partner for the last 15 years. I have no idea where to start when it comes to dating let alone sex with a new person. Are guys going to be put off by the fact I am divorced? I feel completely out of my depth, and any help and advice you can give me would be much appreciated.

Starting over x

Dear Starting Over

My first piece of advice would be to make sure you are ready to move on from your previous relationship. The fact that you mention feeling relief is a positive indication that you are prepared to try dating and having sex after your divorce.

 The dating scene has changed in the last 15 years with the rise of internet dating and dating apps. To meet lovers, friends, and partners online is no longer seen as odd or usual but is increasingly the norm for many. However, the internet is a large and daunting space and how on earth do you work out where to start? 
 

Sex after a divorce - Get back in the saddle 

The key is to do some research and to know what it is you are looking for when it comes to dating and sex after your divorce. Some platforms are more about finding casual partners for sex whereas others are more dating and relationships orientated. And then there are places like Popcorn.dating which are a bit of both. Most of these platforms are free, but you have to pay for additional features like messaging or posting images. 

Most sites will allow you to pay a month at a time so you can always sign up and see how you get on. If it doesn't feel the right place for you, then cancel your membership and try another one. After my divorce, I tried a couple of sites before finding one where I felt comfortable, so don't be put off if that happens.

One of the key things when it comes to finding a date is to take the time to write a good profile. Be honest about who you are, what you look like and most importantly what you are looking for. It is possible that at this stage you do not know whether you are just interested in rediscovering sex after your divorce or a more in-depth relationship. That is OK too. Don't be afraid to write that on your profile, being honest is the best way.
 

Sex after a divorce - Get to know your body

Knowing what you want applies to sex as well. I would encourage you to think about your body and what turns you on. Do you know what you like when it comes to sex, do you know how to make yourself orgasm? Being comfortable and confident with those things will make it easier to have sex after the divorce for the first time. 

Look for erotic stories or porn that turn you on. Maybe treat yourself to some new sex toys and set aside some time to experiment with them and your body. Not only will it be a pleasurable and fun time for you but it will also give you more confidence when it comes to dating and having sex after the divorce. (Don't forget to take precautions to minimise your risk of pregnancy and STI's. )

As for men being put off by you being a divorced person I think that is a thing of the past. Any man that does feel that way is not one that you would want to be with anyway, and most of the people in your age range who are looking to date will probably be in a similar situation. Many of them will also be divorced or separated, and many will have children from a previous partner, so I don't think to be a divorced woman will make any difference. 

It is important to feel ready and confident about taking this step. Then you can go out and see what joys the dating world has to offer and rediscover how fantastic sex after a divorce can be. 

Good luck! Molly xxx

 

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