Ask Molly | Sex Tips | Should I Live Out a Sexual Fantasy?

Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore gives her best advice to a woman wondering whether or not she should live out her sexual fantasies. 
 

Dear Molly
I have a lot of sexual fantasies. Some more wild than others but I have never really done any of them. I think about them when I masturbate and sometimes when I am with my partner they will come into my mind and help me get off. There are some sexual fantasies that I have kind of shared with him in the form of dirty talk while we are fucking. However, I keep thinking that it would be nice to share them a bit more openly and even live some of them out for real. Do you think that is a good idea, or do you think sexual fantasies should stay just that, fantasies?
Fantasy Girl


Dear Fantasy Girl 
Having sexual fantasies is an entirely normal thing. Everyone has them to some extent or other. For some people, they can be pretty wild and out there and for others, they can be fairly mainstream things. But for whatever reason, they are the things that turn us on when we think about them. Turning them from fantasy to real life though can be both a good and a bad idea. It really does depend on what they are.
 

How achievable are your sexual fantasies?

Clearly, some sexual fantasies are more achievable than others. If one of your things is to fuck a famous Hollywood star in front of your partner that might be one that is going to be tough to live out for real. But if you get off on the idea of your partner fingering you in the car, it might be something achievable. Another example is fantasising about having sex in the sea or maybe even a threesome or moresome. Those are sexual fantasies that with a willing partner would be something you could consider living out for real.
 

Keep your sexual fantasies consensual

Of course, some of your sexual fantasies might not involve a partner, which might make them easier to achieve. But only if they do not involve anyone in a non-consensual way. For example, if your fantasy was to be seen masturbating, maybe standing at your window, it is a bit tricky. This is because you are potentially exposing yourself to someone who has not consented to be part of your sexual fantasies. But if your fantasy is masturbating in your car, it might be doable. You just need to find the right place where you can do it and see people, but they can't see you. For the record, it was very hot when I did it.
 

Talk about your sexual fantasies with your partner

As for sharing things with your partner, I would really encourage you to do this as much as possible. Try to create an environment where your partner feels comfortable sharing his sexual fantasies in return with you. Being open about the things that turn us on is a vital part of having a happy and healthy sex life. It is exciting to explore those sexual fantasies with someone in a way that does not feel judgemental. Telling each other stories around the things that you fantasize about is a great way to share these things with a partner. From there you can go on to talk about whether you might want to try to act out some of the things you think about for real. 
 

Including others in your sexual fantasies

Again it is important to be realistic about you can achieve and always think about how what you do might impact on other people. As I said above involving people in your sex life non-consensually is not OK. So if for example, you thought about someone watching you have sex in the woods. You can't just have sex in the woods and let some unsuspecting stranger stumble across you. Instead, take the time to find a third person who you can trust and who would be willing to be your 'watcher'.
 

Be clear about what you want and what you don't want

One big piece of advice when involving other people in your sex life is always to make sure you discuss it with them first. Be absolutely clear about what it is you want to happen and also what you do not want to happen. So using the example above, let's say you want the person just to watch and not touch you. You need to be entirely clear about this, so they know what is expected of them. This way, no one does something that others get upset about. 
 

Living out your sexual fantasies

Living out sexual fantasies can be fun and exciting and definitely add an extra sexy dimension to your sex life. If they are possible to do and your partner is onboard then as a general rule I would absolutely say go for it. Just be realistic about what you can achieve and always make sure you act ethically. Never involve others in your sex life who have not consented to it. 

Molly x 
 

Have you ever turned one of your sexual fantasies into reality? What's your best tips to sharing your sexual fantasies with a partner? Share in the Popcorn.dating forum for free.