Looking for sex tips or relationship advice? Fear not! Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore's sex column is here to help. This time, Molly responds to a couple struggling with jealousy during group sex...
Dear Molly
My girlfriend and I have started exploring an open relationship and having group sex with other couples. We have had quite a few amazingly hot and sexy experiences but there is one major problem that we are struggling with, and that is my girlfriend has found herself feeling jealous when I am with another woman. We have done it, but I find it a bit difficult to enjoy as I am worried that she is struggling with the moment. She wants to keep trying, but I also know she finds it hard and I am afraid she just agrees to it for me. I have tried to reassure her that I love her and she says she knows that, but I don't know what else I (we) can do. I don't get jealous when she is having sex with another man during group sex, in fact, I find it a real turn on, as does she, but the same is not true if I am with a woman. Please help!
Thanks in advance, P.
Dear P,
Firstly well done for taking the leap into exploring group sex and an open relationship. It can be daunting to even bring group sex up with a partner let alone turning into a reality. You two have done brilliantly so far in negotiating all that in what seems to be a successful way.
Communication is key
Dealing with jealousy in group sex situations can be a challenge, and there is no rule book or ten-step plan to solve these problems. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different and what works for one person won't necessarily work for everyone. The key to solving this problem is being open and honest about what you are finding challenging with group sex. Make sure you have built an environment where both of you feel comfortable sharing your feelings especially when you are having problems. Bottling things up or denying that it is difficult will not solve anything and may well make it worse in the long run.
Explore your group sex fantasies together
One of the things I would suggest is to spend plenty of time exploring your mutual fantasies when it comes to group sex. Talk to each other openly about what you find sexy and also what you don't. Communication will help to create an environment where you both can share your thoughts and worries, which is a vital part of working through your partner's jealousy with her. Exploring your group sex fantasies together will allow you to identify where your desire overlap. It also lets your partner explore the idea of you being with another woman before actually having to do it. Maybe this will help her work through some of her difficulties with group sex and perhaps even help her be turned on by it eventually.
Make sure to communicate with your partner before trying group sex for the first time.
Set group sex boundaries
Make sure that you agree upon boundaries before you go out and meet with other swingers for group sex. You should both be clear on what you are, and are not prepared to do with other partners. By doing this, you prevent anyone feeling surprised by something happening that they are not comfortable with. You may discover more things along the way, but if you can communicate openly, it will be easy for you to share those. You say that your partner being with other men is a turn on for you both. For the time being, you might want to make group sex with just other men the focus of your play. This will show your partner that you are committed to her wellbeing and pleasure and that it is important to you that she feels comfortable. All those things will help your partner to feel sure of her place in your life and potentially combat her feelings of jealousy.
Read up on open relationships and group sex
There are lots of books written about open relationships, swinging and poly lifestyles that you could try. I would recommend getting a copy of My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory by Cooper S. Beckett. It is an excellent book that talks about dealing with open relationships in an honest way and I think it would help you both in your exploration of group sex.
Group sex and jealousy
Jealousy is not something that people choose to be. As a general rule, it is a gut reaction that often surprises them in its severity. Often people can logically reason that their response is not warranted and even knowing that, it can happen anyway. It is often a deep-rooted and visceral response. Sometimes that can be reduced or changed with time, but for some, it is something they can just never get past. If that turns out to be the case, then you as a couple have to decide what that means for you. With time and commitment, you can hopefully combat it and continue to enjoy exploring group sex as part of your sex lives together.
Molly x
(*Always remember to practise safe sex especially if you are planning on having group sex with strangers.)
Have you tried group sex? Ever dealt with jealousy? Share your experience and your best advice with others in the Popcorn.dating forum - for free! 
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