For her thesis in the field of Applied Media Studies at the Technical University Ilmenau, Stephanie Osswald wrote about Poppen.de, the German-language sister site of Popcorn.dating. The thesis was completed in 2010. We would like to share some of her findings with you. More Than Just Virtual Cheating? A comparison of satisfaction in offline and online partnerships Executive Summary, by Stephanie Osswald, BA The aim of the study was to compare satisfaction levels in offline partnerships and online relationships. It was particularly interesting to look at commonalities and differences when someone had both types of relationship at the same time. The study was based on literature about relationships in exchange theory (c.f. Homans, 1958; Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). This theory views social relationships as continuous exchanges of non-material goods. For example, a husband might be meeting his wife’s need for affection, trust and security, and in return she might meet his needs. From this point of view, relationships are a constant give and take of desires and satisfaction. At the center of this approach is a view of the partners as having a limited amount of figurative goods that they can exchange, with these goods have different amounts of value. This could mean that the two partners are looking for very different things in a romantic relationship, and also that each could only satisfy the other to a certain extent. The same dynamics would be at work in online interactions. Two people would get to know each other online, and they would continue communicating and intensify their connection as long as both are getting something positive out of it. This would be distinguished from a non-online relationship, since the fact that it’s computer-mediated would give it certain limitations. In order to understand how needs were satisfied in the two types of relationships, an online questionnaire was distributed using Sternber’s (1986) triangular model of love. Two different questionnaire studies were done in 2010. In the first, 177 people were interviewed from twenty different online sites. In the second study, 341 people were interviewed who were using Poppen.de. These were self-selected by clicking a link from the website, and this was specifically aimed at people who had had online relationships. In Study 1, the participants ranged in age rom 15 to 52 years. 33% were men, ^&% women (n=118). All were in either online or offline relationships. 41 were only in an online relationship, 72 in IRL relationships and 64 had both at the same time. In Study 2, 341 people answered the questionnaire, aged 18 to 66. 65% were men and 35% women. 37% were having an online relationship, 55% IRL, and 61 both at the same time. 90 people said neither. Additional information was collected from the site, and previous experiences with relationships were investigated. Nearly half (49%) had been a Poppen.de member for more than two years, 19% for one to two years, and 32% for less than a year. About a third of participants also used other online dating platforms. 22% of respondents had not made relationships on Poppen.de, but, the majority (56%) confirmed that they had met people in person. 250 people had had relationships from other sites, and 221 had met someone through Poppen.de. 71% of participants were straight or bisexual, and 98 people identified as gay. Both studies clearly showed that respondents found their online relationships less satisfactory than IRL partnerships, whether they also had an IRL relationship or not. The Poppen.de users were significantly more satisfied with their IRL partnerships than were the other group. In Study 2, the online relationships were shown not to take away from IRL relationships, and sometimes boosted them. It was interesting to note that Poppen.de members tended to feel similarly toward their online and IRL partners. Although people with only an IRL partner were shown to be the most satisfied, these kinds of surveys can always have notable margins of error.It is also worth noting that Poppen.de users may be a specific group, who are looking to enrich an IRL relationship, but not necessarily unhappy in it.This might mean that their expectations for online relationships are more modest. In the second investigation, the relationship between satisfaction levels in IRL versus online relationships was examined. Since ratings of intimacy, passion and commitment were low in both, it was hypothesized that these two negatively affect one another. For the IRL partnership, however, this was not determinative. It seemed important for those who were in both kinds of relationships to experience similar levels of peace in both. Study 1 also showed that chat was the most common medium of communication for the people in online relationships, followed by email and exchanging photos, but sometimes SMS and phone calls were also used. While 39 people (37%) in these relationships had met their partner in person, 66% had not. There were more pronounced age differences in online relationships: an average of 4.94 years compared to 1.03 years. 52% of respondents felt that there were certain needs that were better fulfilled in an online relationship , particularly "listening", "talking things through", "trust" and "understanding". When asked whether there are needs that are better met by IRL partnerships, 89% of the survey participants agreed there are. "Physical proximity" and simply "Everything" topped the list. Many participants had strong reactions when given the statement that needs not met in an IRL relationship can be met through an online one. Many, though not all, agreed, some stating that the online relationship could be something similar to living in a dream world. As in Study 1, the second study showed that the most common means of communication were chat, email and photo exchange, followed by SMS and phone calls. 104 people (83%) had real meetings with their online partners.64% of online relationships lasted for less than one year, while none of the IRL relationships were reported to be less than one year, in fact the average was 10.7 years. Just under half (46%) of people in an online relationship called it a “sexual affair”, 13% said it was “friendship”, 9% said “close friendship”, 11% said it was mainly flirting and only 10% considered it to be a romantic love affair. The final 11% used an array of words to describe it: “an encounter with a specific theme”, "blend of love affair and extremely close friendship" or "the love of my life". 31% of the 341 respondents on Poppen.de were seeking mostly to "live out sexual fantasies", which they thought could be better done in an online relationship. This statement was often accompanied by words such as "uninhibited", "simple" and "variety". When asked if there were needs better met by an IRL relationship, participants said yes 70% of the time, particularly about “closeness”, “trust”, “security”, “love” and “emotional connection.” There were great disparities in statements about whether unmet needs could be compensated for by online relationships. Many reported that the online relationship was “enriching” or gave “an extra kick” alongside their IRL relationship, But otherwise wrote that it was only a “temporary solution” and that it mostly involved “wishful thinking and dreaming.” Others said that they felt something was missing in the online relationship, or that it was merely compensation for an IRL relationship that wasn’t going well. These are, of course, just subjective comments and they can’t be measured properly against the quantitative results. The variety of attitudes about online relationships was probably too great to be well-understood in this study, although it is notable that 50% of people in the second study who were in online relationships looked at them as “sexual affairs.” How people construct the needs they have and whether they think they are being met is a whole other can of worms, and so the variation in that can’t be accounted for in this study either. Most importantly, may not think of their relationships in such instrumentalist terms as were provided in the survey. In our utilitarian conception of relationships, however, it must be acknowledged that most Poppen.de users will expect sexual interactions as well as much more from their IRL partners, while they may see the online relationship as a supplement to that. Since their expectations are different, their levels of satisfaction may not fully reflect what each relationship offers to them. These studies started from the assumption, based in theory, that the internet is a place for exchanging goods, and that partnerships formed there essentially follow this model. While certain needs can be met in purely online relationships, like intimacy, passion and commitment, these exchanges remain largely immaterial and limited to the confines of computer-mediated closeness. Moreover, both studies showed that online relationships are becoming commonplace phenomena and that they are demanding new definitions of loyalties and honesty for all forms of relationships. No longer do society-wide or unspoken rules suffice: people need to be discussing explicitly what they expect and accept from their partners, and taking the specificity of the online medium into account. The biggest challenge of our changing relationship world is managing expectations and realistic experiences. As the internet becomes more and more a part of our daily lives, it means we need to be more and more honest about our emotional intentions. The research presented here was part of a bachelor thesis with the title "More Than Just Virtual Cheating? Comparison Of The Satisfaction Of Needs In Real Partnerships And Relationships In Addition To Internet "in the year of 2010.